Sad and Tired

I am tired. I think my husband is mad at me and that makes me very uneasy. Hmm, well, maybe not mad, but there is a general disappointment in the air.

It also makes me sad.

So, here I am, the end of the day, sad and tired. The day, as a whole, was very good to me, but, it seems, this is what I am left with.

I'll make this short and then I will go and attempt to make peace with my love.

I weighed in today at 150.4! Nothing short of a victory. It was very difficult for me not to stuff myself this day, and as a result, my caloric intake ended at roughly 1500 calories. Pretty good, considering.

Good night. Sweet sweet dreams and a bright morning to you.

One Bra Woman

We've all known these heroes. They're our grandmothers, our moms, ours aunts and our sisters. My mom was one of them. The few, the proud, the one bra women.

Regardless of whether you're female or not, if you understand anything about laundry logistics, you can appreciate the difficulties of having only one bra.

I grew up watching my mom dote on my father and me, never thinking for a minute about herself, not for a minute, did she think, 'hm, perhaps a second bra would be nice'.

I've never been the type myself. I rather enjoy having a variety of bras. But yesterday, I woke up, I put on the same pink bra that I wore the day before and the day before that. And somewhere, somehow, it hit me. Motherhood [and marriage] got me good. I've doted long enough that I can now count myself among those amazing and honorable women.

I am a one bra woman.

This has nothing to do with weight loss, but I thought it would be fun to share. And I didn't have the guts to put it in my more popular blog.

So there.

I weighed in at 153. Considering that's almost a 2lb drop in one day, I feel pretty good. But, as we all know, the scale is a wiley one. We'll see what it says tomorrow.

I have a lot of temptation tonight. I made cookies for a meeting [that no one has shown up to] and yummy cheesy tuna casserole. I haven't surpassed my limit, but I'm about at it. I pray that I won't give in to temptation. I'm trying to learn this foreign new lifestyle of not eating/having/doing whatever I want. Praise Jesus.

And it's difficult.

To Be Continued . . .

. . . every day for the rest of my life.

The scale has not fallen, it has, in fact, risen. I weighed in at 154.8. Lions and tigers and bears! O MY!

I'm RIGHT back where I started two years ago.

I keep trying. I'll do well for a spell and then gorge myself for no good reason other than the old "I wanted to" excuse. And I'm learning, that is the worst excuse of all.

So, here we go, again. I am tired of saying "here we go". I am tired of saying "again". When do I reach the point where I actually start learning from my mistakes?

Because it's not about being thin, or at least it shouldn't be. It's about gluttony. That's what it boils down to. In this land of consumption, I've learned the delicate art of consuming too much and feeling overwhelmingly complacent about it. And that really sucks.

I need some goals. So, um, abra-cadabra:

1. To run with the cliché that condones taking life one day at a time. For now, I'll fit my elaborate plans into a 24 hour time span.

2. In keeping with #1, I am going to try to blog about it every day. With my schedule, I don't know if that will happen, but I am going to try.

3. Lastly I'd like to lose 10 lbs by the time Twilight premiers. I go to see Andrea that weekend, and then Thanksgiving follows it. First, because none of my clothes fit any more. And secondly, because I'm hoping I will have established some positive habits before I begin to prepare the Thanksgiving feast.

I'm a little anxious. For the last four months I've done nothing but gain weight. If I don't change this pattern, it's not going to change itself.

So yeah, it's go time.