Boot Camp

It's soo hot. I feel sticky and yucky and I want to go take a shower and I should but I'm attempting to design my own boot camp regime. I'd like to do something exercisy today after I design it and I don't want to shower and then exercise.

So for now, I'll have to stay sticky. Bleh.

I've been seriously and not-so-seriously toying with the idea of designing a boot camp for myself for a loong time. I've also been not-so-seriously wanting to join an already-in-place boot camp program - mostly because it's fail-proof - they know what they're doing. But since I'm short on cash and tall on creativity, looks like do-it-yourself is my best option.

In it's basic form, I need three things: cardio, strength training and a "balanced diet". I'd also like to include some flexibility and balance work.

My cardio program will have two parts - running and other. The other will include anything from learning to skateboard with Sadie to obstacle courses to dance classes to ice skating. I'd like to balance reallyhardstuff with lotsoffun in the "other" part.

Strength training is pretty self-explanatory. I just have to figure out the program.

The balanced diet part has always been difficult for me. For now, I'm just going to continue what I have been trying (and failing) to do - eating roughly 1500 calories a day.

 As for flexibility and balance - I'm thinking yoga videos.

I took a break from writing this just now to make lunch - and came out with some good ideas for installing the "boot camp" part of this whole dealio. Some things that are hard/not fun for me - keeping track of everything I'm eating and drinking enough water. I have decided to "punish" myself with jumping jacks and push-ups. If I wake up in the morning and realize I didn't track my food the day before - 50 jumping jacks. If I get the end of the evening and I haven't consumed, say 80 oz of water - 25 push-ups (which will be KILLER with my weak arms) and I need to add 10 oz to the next day. Ooh, and (just thought of this) - if I go over 1500 calories - then I'll 10 jumping jacks and 5 push-ups for every 100 calories over.

Usually I reward myself. Or at least set out to reward myself. I think I still may. I tend to lean toward being a positive reinforcer, but we'll see how the punishing goes.

Hmm. Let's set out the plan.

I'd like to do cardio 4-6 days a week.

I'd like to do strength training 3 days a week.

I'd like to do yogaish stuff once a week.

Since there are only seven days in a week and I need at least one day off, I'm going to have to double up.

Sooo, perhaps an ideal week would look like this:

Monday - Cardio (running) and strength training (arms)

Tuesday - Cardio (hard core boot camp style) and yoga

Wednesday - Cardio (running) and strength training (core)

Thursday - Fun cardio!

Friday - Cardio (running) and strength training (legs)

Saturday - Fun cardio!

Sunday - Day off. :)

I'll aim to make my cardio sessions 30 minutes to an hour long. I can, for the most part, do my strength training at home with videos or fitness magazines.

I can set up punishments for missing sessions, too. If I miss a cardio, I'll run around the outside of the house 10 times. If I miss a strength training or yoga session, I'll hold the plank pose for a total of 2 minutes.

Well, that was easy. I guess now we enter the hard part - following through. But if I do follow through - if I make it this whole week - with, let's say, less than 4 punishments - I need to figure out a non-expensive way to reward myself. Suggestions welcome!

Wish me luck!

I wonder what fun cardio thing Sadie and I should get into today . . .

*The picture above is extremely embarrassing for me to post. I guess it's how people around me see me everyday. But it's not how I see myself. It's time to remove my shell.

I'm doing it (still)!

This is a victory blog. And it is much needed because today has been a frustrating day. I realized, AFTER I sent out the resume and cover letter (that I had painstakingly poured over all day) that I'd missed a few typos. :( NOT cool.

But I'm going to forget that for the moment (and the night). Because I can't do anything about it.

Ok . . . letting go and letting God. Deep breath in (cough, cough). Now, exhale. Or sigh, at least.

There, I feel better, don't you? No? Well, who cares? You're not the one with all the typos!

But I digress.

I guess other than that it hasn't been such a bad day. I got to hang out with an all too intelligent four year old. He told me the "Boo-Hoo" Knock Knock Joke, but at the punchline instead of what I was used to hearing ("It's okay, don't cry. It's only a joke."), he exclaims, "Quit crying, ya baby!"

Heehee, still makes me giggle.

And, on a note totally unrelated to that but completely related to this blog, I'm losing weight!! 4 pounds so far!

No magic formula, no special diet. I've been counting calories (aiming for about 1500 per day) and exercising 3-5 times a week. My friend, Kristin, has starting working out with me. And that's been a huge motivator in the exercise department.

And - more good news! Andrea is coming to Maryland to visit me next weekend! I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED! She's only been here once, and that doesn't count because it was two years ago and it had to do with wedding planning stuff.

So, yay for healthy weight loss! And yay for best friends visiting!

Wow. I really do feel much better. OH! And another majorly cool thing that happened this week - Jermaine's AwesomeEpicRidiculouslyFabulous keyboard arrived! The picture above, as you may have surmised, is of Alex the Incredible and Mr. Keyboard Box.

Cheerio!

Days Schmays

Ha.

Yeah, so when I said a couple of days, it seems I meant, like, 40.

I'll try and work on that. ;)

Last semester, I was quite blogged down, in more ways than one. So, you see, I needed a bit of a break. Didn't realize how long of a break I would take, though! I blinked and it was March.

But I have good news! I'm actually doing it! I've been exercising and eating right and losing weight!

And I had an(other) epiphany a couple hours ago. This whole time, I've been thinking that this weight thing is out of my control in some way. Taking the role of a victim, of sorts. All of a sudden it hit me: This. Is. My. Choice.

I'm choosing to weigh (gasp) 183lbs. Absolutely choosing it by the choices I make everyday - whether I realize it or not. And I can just as easily choose to get fit!

And so, yeah. I'm gonna do that. :)

PS. I'm going to San Francisco in a week! And I have to blog about it (yay!). Soooo, check out my entries (and the entries of all the other amazingly cool people participating in ASB San Fran) here.

PPS. Setting small goals for myself. The first one: to be under 180 on the day I leave for California. I'll let you know how if I accomplish it!

I'm going to Forks!

So, I have this friend . . .

She's a bit of Twilight fanatic. I mean, I'm a Twilight fan. But, oh, letmetellyou, there is definitely a difference.

And she's not just my friend, she's my we-go-all-the-way-back-to-middle-school-only-we-hated-each-other-then best friend. And she's amazing. She's beautiful and funny and extremely high energy. She's a stay-at-home-and-home-school mother of three or four bouncing big boys. She put the extraordinary in Mommy Extraordinar[y]e. She's ridiculous. In the good way.

And in about a year and a half we both have to do the whole turning-30 thing. Sooo, we were planning some kind of fancy trip to commemorate the occasion [and our friendship].

I read Twilight over a year ago and to be honest, I wasn't that impressed [gasp! I know]. So when we began planning this whole thing we weren't sure where we'd go. She wanted to go to Forks, but knew I wasn't totally feeling it. However [dun, dun, dun], a short time later, I cracked open New Moon in preparation for the movie opening last fall [and because she said I couldn't go with her to see the movie if I didn't read it [yep, she's quite bossy]. Oh, but that was all it took. 140 pages in and I was hooked. Like hard core. Like, 9 straight hours of reading. As it turns out, it really is like a drug.

So! To Forks it is! Hurrah!

Alas, tho. It seems that our 30th birthday shindig coincides with her 10 year wedding anniversary. Boo. I mean, CONGRATULATIONS to them. But, really, who gets married when they're 20??

I kid.

Let me get to the fabulous part. She wants to go THIS year! Woohoo! Considering that I am SO an impatient child of the Digital Age, I hate waiting anyway!

And so, away we go!

In your intense cleverness, you may have surmised the whole big point here. I've got to get my butt [and the rest of me] in gear. So I can be fit and fabulous in case we run into any sparkly vampires while we're tooling around Washington. You know how I love things that sparkle.

Details regarding my latest plan coming soon. I think I'm going to try to blog every couple of days. We'll see how that goes.

PS. As luck would have it, we're going to be there on Stephanie Meyer weekend! And we're staying the Cullen House! Oh goodness. Andrea's going to turn me into a fanatic. :)

PPS. Also, I've been dreaming for a while of someday going to seminary at Mars Hill Graduate School in Seattle - and so, I'll have the chance to tour the school before we fly out on Monday, too!

I must wrap this up with a large guffaw and an even larger YAY GOD!!

The first 10 lbs Part II

I worked out today! 30 minutes total. And I ran a 1/4 of a mile at 6 mph twice [5 minutes or 1/2 mile total!]. I wanted to see what my out of shape body could do. :)

Let's see how many calories I consumed:

Nutrigrain Bar: 130
Coffee [x 2]: 150
Salad: 200
Mac and Cheese: 500
Bread: 100
Wine: 300
Ginger Ale: 120

Total: 1500

What? Wow! That's awesome!

Thank God. :)

The first 10 lbs: part I

Goal number 1: lose 10 lbs.

I'm aiming for January 1st - but I'll keep on going until I get there. I'm probably not going to post here everyday, but I'm trying to get a handle on how many calories I consume daily. Here's what today's tally looks like:

• Cinnamon bun with icing - 330
  
• coffee with cream at home - 80
  
• two mini energy bars - 200
  
• caramel machiato - 190
  
• Panera bread mac and cheese - 490 [!!]
  
• PB Asian chicken salad - 200
  
• PB wheat bread - 100
  
• Root beer - 160
  
• clementine - 30
  
• Trader Joe's orange chicken and white rice - 400
  
• coffee with cream at home - 80
  
• glass of OJ - 100
  
• 2-3 16 oz jugs of water - 0

Equals - 2360

Yeesh. And I was really trying to watch my intake today. Looks like I'm going to have to make some changes.

My goal is to be healthy; kind to myself, others and the earth; and to do all that as economically minded as possible. As it turns out, Panera Bread isn't healthy or economical. Sigh. Well, can I just say they have the best mac and cheese EVER. And it was worth it. ;)

Truth and lies

Okay. Everything has got to change. Starting this very moment, I've got to turn my weight around, and make the scale go in the other direction.

This is loooong overdue. For the last year and five months I've been "letting myself go". That sounds horrible, but I can't think of another way to describe it. I haven't done it on purpose [on the contrary - I've been trying REALLY hard to get fit], but still, in some ways, however unconscious, I think my actions have been intentional.

I bought the lie. I believed it wholeheartedly, and it deeply affected me.

It's in the magazines. It's on TV. It's online and in movies - all over.

Skinny, beautiful people are better than than their thicker, plumper friends.

Gah.

It makes me sick to write it down, to put it out there. I know it's not true. But there's a difference between knowing and knowing.

I've been struggling, wrestling with this for a while now. But I didn't know how dark it truly was. I couldn't fathom the extent of the damage believing had done to my psyche. And then, the other day, while my husband and I were having a moment, I just began to sob. And it hit me. Hard. Deep down in my marrow, I realized, I didn't feel like I deserved his affection. I didn't understand it - why . . . how he could be attracted to me. I didn't believe it. What I believed . . . was a lie.

I couldn't convey what I felt. I couldn't explain it to him. I sobbed silently. We both accepted the awkwardness of the moment. This was not the first time I'd broken down at an inconvenient time.

But, it was the first time I knew why.

I feel that gaining this weight is a part of my story. Although I hate it, I'm grateful for what it is teaching me. I think I've known that I was believing a lie. That lie got me thin the first time. But it also got me fat. That, and my deeply-embedded insecurities [ie: more lies] - the ones that say that I'm nothing, that I'm a mess, that I don't deserve good things] - they are keeping me from becoming a physically healthy individual.

That's over. Those lies, they will not define me anymore. I will become free from their burdens - through prayer and other spiritual disciplines. I pray to honor each day as the gift that it is. I pray to honor my body, my temple.

It's time to begin the rest of life.

I weigh 180 lbs. Holy crap. I can't believe I just confessed that! I've lost my mind.

Those pounds are too much for my 5'3.5" frame. I get tired a lot more easily now. I don't have much energy. Exercise used to excite me - pump me up. Now, it mildly scares me. I know I can get back into shape. For a while now, I've felt I lacked the motivation. I'm not going to let that stop me anymore.

I'm learning how to not procrastinate. I'm learning that sometimes, it's necessary to do the work - regardless of how I *feel*.

I've got some new goals in mind - and I'm excited about seeing them to fruition and beyond:

• I want to wholeheartedly accept the truth that I am a child of God. That my weight means nothing to God as far as my worth is concerned.
  
• I want to guard against gluttony and vanity.
  
• I want to prayerfully learn self-discipline.
• The journey has begun - I'm on it - even if I mess up - I'm still ambling toward my Creator. I'd like to delve deeper into the implications of this truth. With weighty issues, I often feel that I'm starting over every other day. I'm not. Even if I gain 100 lbs, I'm still on this journey.
• I am beautiful. My voice, my passions, my gifts - God can use them just as much when I'm 180lbs as when I'm 135 lbs. I have been given a purpose and it works on a sliding scale.
• My daughter - she watches me. She's learning the truths and the lies that I hold dear. I will prayerfully try to practice the truths that God is teaching me - so that she may learn them, too. So that she might not have to stumble in the ways I have stumbled.

Dear God . . .

Help me. Guide me. These lies I've believed [or, believe right now] - they are so destructive. What is Your truth, God? I want to hear Your truth.



Haha! I think God is telling me I already know it . . . and that I need to go write my papers. :)